Flowers just because

This morning, I had a few hours open in my schedule. I called up my TQ and asked her if I could invite her out to lunch. She agreed, and on my way to pick her up at her office, I stopped off to buy a couple of planted flowers and a bottle of wine. Out of the many flowers I could have chosen, I selected some hyacinths since they are lusciously fragrant.

I showed up at her office bearing flowers and wine, and her reaction of joy and happiness was just what I was hoping to get. From there, it was a perfect spring day for a walk down the street to Jesters, a funky deli shop attached to a music store, featuring sandwiches named Ringo Starr, Proud Mary, and the Motown.

The flowers must have made an impression because she took a photo of them and posted it online. Reaction on her facebook page was great too: her friend wrote, “Ok Did Moriss and whoever sent my sis flowers plan this? Could someone please talk to John, boy would I love some flowers!!!”

Sounds like John needs to start reading this blog.

The TQ Speaks…

The following is a guest post from TwitterQueens co-founder, and more importantly my honey, Lesley Lambert.

It isn’t just any girl that has a boyfriend that creates a blog in honor of winning her over. No, not just any girl…you would have to be me.

I am writing this post in advance with plans to ask Morriss if he will post it as a guest blog after it is finished. I am doing this because it is about time I did…high time, overdue even.

I am intrigued by the brain that this man possesses. Perplexed at how sensitive, thoughtful and caring he is when I am so … well, not graceful at relationships. He looks at things so differently, with such love and concern as I go trolloping through my days la-di-dah and often stepping on the daisies.

This “Freaky Friday-esque” nature of our relationship is not without its pitfalls, but I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that I find it super sexy. Yes, that is what his brain is- it is super sexy.

I have traversed through some relationships in my time and not all were bad, but in each case I had one major (and usually unvoiced) issue: the men in my life never complimented me. I hate to admit that point, it sounds so trite and ego-centric, but it is the TRUTH. I craved some compliments…some acknowledgement. And mind you, I mean the trivial sort of compliments as well as the grander ones: “you look lovely in that color” is just as good as “you are a brilliant thinker” when given at the right time.

Morriss writes this blog “How to Woo Your TQ” for me. I know this, you know this and I should have come here to acknowledge him and compliment him a long time ago. I am certain that men enjoy compliments just as much as women do and I cannot believe what a blockhead I am not to have seen this right away. Sometimes I am obtuse. Cute, but obtuse…just the reality of the situation.

Morriss is a man who reads relationship blogs and books and shares the insights with me. He invites deep thoughts and conversation…he regularly tells me that his #1 goal is to better understand me. I do such a horrible job of reciprocating. It isn’t because I love him less….I am just a bit self absorbed (not my favorite personality trait) and don’t SEE these things as he does.

I am striving to be better. I want to listen more, to understand more, to learn more than I teach. I want him to feel, to know deep inside, that loving him is at the top of my day’s priorities. Nothing should be more important than showing the people I love most how much I love them, especially not mundane things like work and housekeeping.

This public acknowledgement of my short comings is my way of being held accountable in this task. I invite you to share in my resolution to be more loving, more present for my loved ones. Join me and grow with me as we follow Morriss’ footsteps in open communication and genuine emotions. This won’t be easy, I am sure it will get messy and I know I will mess up, but I am going to give it my gosh-darndest best because this is a man that deserves absolutely not one whit less than the best.

Lesley Lambert is a Realtor, dancer, mother, girlfriend, sister, daughter, and friend to many, and has worn many hats in those endeavors. In her non-existent spare time, she is a co-founding member of TwitterQueens.

Love should be….

I was having a late night chat with my honey, and I had some thoughts that I thought bore repeating:

Love is joyous and boundless and ever-upward-spiraling

Love does not know fear. Love is never scared.

Love is positive, freely giving, and bountiful.

When you are trying to cross chasms with your partner (i.e. having a fight with your honey), try to remember the positives that love is. Never forget these things, even though it’s hard! Because in the end, love is worth it. (And besides, true love never gives up either!)

Help her with the housework

It’s often hard for men to understand women. Men will never entirely understand women, which is why the stereotype exists that women are impossible to understand. Many men give up trying to understand. But that’s shortsighted. There are plenty of things about women that men CAN easily understand if they just put a little time, effort and thought into it.

One thing that is true for many women is that they are incredibly busy. For no one is this more true than single moms. Trying to juggle getting the kids ready for school, making sure school backpacks have the right things in them, homework is done, lunch is made, after school care is arranged, coordinating child schedules with the ex, on TOP of all the pressures of work, projects, bosses, schedules, and that’s not even considering keeping up with the housework, dishes, cooking, laundry, vacuuming, paying bills, and constant trips to the grocery store, and you can see why all women, especially single moms, need their precious downtime (all 30 minutes of it a week, if that) to blow off a little steam. A mother’s work (single mom or not) is seemingly never done.

If you are romancing a TQ who is a single mom, and you’ve gotten past the first few dates, probably the quickest way to win her heart is to help her with some of the housework. This includes washing the dishes, helping with the cooking, or even the simple act of taking out the trash. Look at it from the point of view of the single mom: it’s daunting knowing that YOU are responsible for EVERY single detail of the household, or else it won’t get done. EVER. So if you get the chance, take out the trash. Put away the clean dishes. Load up the dishwasher and put it into action. Take the garbage out. Do the recycling. Bring her her favorite beverage for no particular reason.

Trust me, she will notice these things, and chances are high she will reward you BIG TIME with her gratitude and love in return. (If she doesn’t, perhaps you haven’t found the right TQ to romance.)

BTW, I really enjoy vacuuming. It’s such a great feeling of accomplishment to run a loud machine that makes the rugs look so good in its wake. Besides, it takes real strength to vacuum carpeted stairs by lifting the whole machine onto each step (attachments are for wussies…or for the bedroom). I don’t understand why more men don’t feel the same way

So, men, if you are feeling that it’s not manly to do housework, I’ve got news for you. Dudes, you are missing out on some SERIOUS gratitude from your lady. Take that vacuum out for a spin around her home and see what happens next. Showing the vacuum cleaner who is boss is LIKE PORN TO HER. Why wouldn’t you want to get her all hot and bothered for you by getting elbow deep into the dish detergent bubbles?

Make a video for your sweetie

As summer rolled to a close, my honey and I had a few bumps in the road as the back-to-school season brought us back to the grind of daily routines and responsibilities. But still having a full and joyous heart for my special TQ, I wanted to do something special for her. We’ve had a wonderful romance all summer long, and I’m still happily in love with her.

Recently, when I was on a business trip, I had a few hours to kill in the airport before my flight back home to my sweetie. I had recently purchased a MacBook Pro and imported all my photos from my old Mac PowerBook, which had been my workhorse computer for more than five years (the screen finally gave out on me). I’ve done professional video editing and commercial photo retouching in my career, so I decided to make her a video commemorating our romance, and make a tangible record of all the wonderful times we’d had so far.

This is my ode to my love, Lesley Lambert, and how happy she makes me:

What is amazing about this video is how easy it was to create. I put together most of the project in about 3 hours, and then spent about the same amount of time refining it. iMovie for the Mac makes it a piece of cake to create. You simply import your still photos from iPhoto and choose a theme (this one uses the Photo Album theme). Rearrange them how you’d like them to appear. Chronologically makes sense, but you’ll likely want to take some liberties to make the video flow more smoothly. Choose a song that is special to both of you from your iTunes library, and add title overlays where necessary. Then publish to iTunes, and upload to YouTube and Facebook.

For bonus points, tag all of your friends and family in the video when you upload it to Facebook. That way they will be alerted that you’ve included them in your production.

Last, but not least, share it with your honey, and enjoy!

Watch carefully for clues

So you have found your TwitterQueen, and you want to romance her. What *specifically* should you do to win her heart?

Just like many in the social media world teach that success in social media starts with listening, so too does successful twitterqueen wooing start with OBSERVING.

We all come to every relationship with a set of expectations, with our personalities, likes, and dislikes already formed to one degree or another. So if you want to find out where to win *her* heart, watch her very carefully in what she says and does. By observing her, with purpose, you can discover all you need to know.

For example, if she normally does not eat breakfast, you aren’t going to score any points by fixing her a huge plate of pancakes in the morning. But if she enjoys a glass of wine in the evening, you can score BIG points by finding out her favorite type and buying her a bottle of it.

Watch her closely. Listen to her intently. Then figure out what she would like, and deliver on it to the best of your ability.

Some things are easy to pick up on and learn. Like, does she drink tea or coffee or neither? If she drinks coffee, how does she like it? If you get the opportunity, make a mug for her just the way she likes it… coffee or tea always tastes better when someone else makes it for you… it’s funny how it works that way.

Other things are more subtle, and can be trickier to pick up. She’ll have certain words or phrases in her conversation that you might not use normally. In many cases, adopting some of her word choices occurs without our ever being aware of it. At the same time, she may pick up new words of yours, without either one of you being aware that it’s happened.

Another example of a subtle thing is in the method of holding hands. Some couples like to intertwine their fingers, while others prefer to clasp hands without having the fingers interwoven. Other couples switch back and forth, because while intertwined fingers can be very nice, it gets uncomfortable after a while. Which style does she gravitate toward naturally? Does it come naturally for you as a couple, or are you constantly feeling like “she’s doing it wrong” or constantly having to fidget and adjust? For many couples, hand holding comes naturally. But if it’s not working for you, try to observe her patterns and see if you can find the rhythm that works for both of you.

Also be cognizant of the ways in which she is wooing you, because those ways are usually the same ways she would like to be wooed in return. Does she write you a little card and mail it to you? That’s a great indication that she would love it if you took the time to write her a card and mail it to her. Does she send you cute and affectionate text messages? Again, that most likely means she would love it if you sent her cute and affectionate text messages. Be original, and put your own spin on these “return” methods of affection. Don’t text her back with the *exact* same words she uses, take the time to think of something original, and use your own voice. Otherwise she’ll see right through it.

Observe. Watch. Listen. Discover. All the clues are there if you learn how to find them. It takes practice. And practice equals love. So keep at it, don’t ever give up, and keep honing your observational skills.

Morriss knows that Lesley’s favorite type of wine is Pinot Noir, and she likes her coffee with a splash of lowfat milk, half a packet of Splenda, and a little French Vanilla flavoring. She uses the phrase “hot shit” to describe someone who has got it going on.

Honor her individuality

This post is inspired by my friend, John Robison’s, comment on my previous post. He asked what sets apart TwitterQueens from other women. While that is a great question, it can’t be answered yet, because the exact concept of TwitterQueen-dom has yet to be defined. To be sure, there is a general notion of a TwitterQueen, a vibe which exists in the TQ community already.

Grouping and classifying people is human nature. Our world is nearly infinitely complex, and our brains, as magnificent as they are, only have a finite amount of computational capability. (Some say we can only really keep track of 150 people at a time.) So in order to survive, in order to navigate in the world, we find it useful and necessary to group places, things, and people, into neat, tidy little compartments.

But in order to successfully woo a TwitterQueen, or any other woman for that matter, we must ask a different question. Instead of asking about the characteristics of the group as whole, the more important question is how is she unique as an individual. Yes, the groups that she affiliates herself with are extremely important to her identity. But no one likes to be see as a generic piece of a larger pie. Men and women like to be valued for who they are; what makes them unique and special as human beings.

So to put this into practice in terms of wooing your TwitterQueen: Try to pay attention to the details of her. Find out what her favorite things are; her favorite hobbies, activities, food, music, movies, styles. Are any of these things out of the ordinary? If so, try to show her that you appreciate this uniqueness in her by mirroring it back to her in some fashion. For example, if she is passionate about photography, ask her out on a date which includes seeing an opening at a photograph gallery, or buy her a framed print from a photographer she admires. If she likes country music, ask her out on a date to see a country band play live.

If you are currently in a relationship, what have you done to honor your partner’s uniqueness lately? Share your stories here! Let us know if doing something like this has made your partner happy!

Photo credit: brunkfordbraun

Morriss will be leading a Twitter 101 session at the TQNYC Social Media Bootcamp on June 27, 2009.

Start from your heart

The first step in wooing a TwitterQueen (TQ) is to start with your own heart. There are several aspects.

First: This may sound trite, but you must love yourself. Not in a conceited way, but in a confident way. (Nothing turns a TwitterQueen off more than an ego-maniacal jackass.) On the other hand, when you are secure in yourself, you then have the ability to be and do good for others, and that is powerfully attractive to a TQ.

Two: You must have room in your heart, and in your life, for your TwitterQueen. If you have not yet found your TwitterQueen, there are things you can do to channel the cosmic powers of the universe in your favor. If the universe senses that you are content being on your own, and that you will not treat your TQ like the royalty she deserves, the universe will not allow a TQ to enter into your life. You will not see hide nor hair of one until you are ready to accept her into your life and treat her properly.

To make room in your life to find and attract your TQ, leave the spaces that you will share open for her. Here are a few specifics: Keep your bathroom supplies in half of the medicine cabinet. Women need space to keep *their* toiletries, so make sure you aren’t crowding her out of your bathroom closet space. Also, make sure you are leaving her space for her clothes in your bedroom closet.

Do you have a queen-size bed? Have you become accustomed to hogging it and sleeping diagonally across it? If so, you are sending the wrong signal to the universe. The universe will assume you have no room in your life for your TQ, and will not offer her up to you.

And last, to show the universe that you have room in your heart and physical life for your TQ, be sure to LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT DOWN after you use it. Yes, it’s a pain in the buttocks to always be picking the darn thing up and down, even when a woman isn’t around to be appreciating how thoughtful and chivalrous you are, but trust me, the universe WILL NOT offer up a TQ into your life unless you are religiously observing this ritual. And when she DOES come into your life, you will thank your lucky stars that leaving the toilet seat down is as second-nature to you as breathing.

The third, and perhaps most important aspect of starting with your heart is to always speak your heart to your TQ. TwitterQueens don’t like playing games. TwitterQueens deserve and appreciate knowing where they stand with you. Contrary to popular literature on the subject, TQs will not stand for being “played.” If they sense you are running some sort of program, they will be gone for good. TQ’s appreciate honest, emotionally-available men. It doesn’t mean you should be a wimp or that you have to act uber-macho all the time, but it does mean that you need to be a straight-shooter.

Listen to your own heart, and that will tell you what you need to do to win hers.

Morriss Partee is wooing a TwitterQueen, so far successfully to date, and will be leading a session on this subject at TwitterQueens NYC on 6.27.09.

Welcome to Wooing Your TQ

Full disclosure: I am head over heels in love with a TwitterQueen (TQ). I am a smitten kitten about her. (Some of you know who my TQ is; the rest will find out at TQNYC on June 27, 2009.) Once I came to the realization that I had encountered the most amazing lady on the planet, it became my mission to woo my TwitterQueen to the best of my abilities. Since I have been successful in wooing her thus far, and since there is a lot of misinformation for males out there, I thought I would share my thoughts with guys who are also in love with their TwitterQueens (and with TQs who are wondering how to get their guys to worship them properly.)

Guys, really, it boils down to three simple fundamentals:

1. Your lady is a twitterqueen and deserves to be treated as the goddess that she is.
2. Never EVER forget rule number one, not even for one second.
3. >insert a non-sequitur here, of your own choosing, to amuse yourself<

Over the course of the next few blog posts, I will share specific tips on the subject of how to properly woo a TwitterQueen, culminating in a session I will lead on the subject at the TQNYC event. Both men and women are welcome to attend this session, since the ladies can bring back the wisdom to their significant others in order to receive the wooing that they deserve.

Future posts will cover:

• Specific ways to treat your TQ as the goddess she is

• How to discover the ways in which your TQ wants to be wooed

• Methods for approaching a TQ (without appearing sketchy)

• How to tell if your TQ is worship-worthy

• Tips for TQs on how to keep their mate happy and in a state of perpetual wooing

• For TQs: How to tell if your guy is the One, or has the potential to be the One

• Dating and friendship: are they mutually exclusive?

• Why TQs are the best kind of girl to pitch woo at

• Ways to endear yourself to your TQ

Postings here will be simultaneously post at the TwitterQueens community site. Here’s this one’s twin.

Every person and every relationship is unique. I don’t pretend to know the answers to your problems; I can only share from the heart what I’ve learned and what works for me. Your mileage may vary. Feel free to let me know what issues you’d like me to address based on what you’ve read so far! This is going to be one heck of a ride……